I WAS TOO FAT TO DATE MY BOYFRIEND…OR ANYONE REALLY

Photo Credit: Thebodybrat.com WHEN PEOPLE ARE USED TO… seeing the same mainstream image over and over, it’s hard to look yourself in t...

Photo Credit: Thebodybrat.com

WHEN PEOPLE ARE USED TO…

seeing the same mainstream image over and over, it’s hard to look yourself in the mirror only to realize that you’re not one of them. That’s how I felt when I had a crush on every white boy in my all white school (save for me of course).

Photo Credit: Thebodybrat.com

I never liked to reveal my crushes to any of my friends because of the simple fact that they were all thin, tiny pixie chicks who would probably just snatch him up first, anyway.

Despite the fact that I was not only one of the biggest girls in my classes, I was also (nearly always) the tallest. Although it helped me to get further in life, playing center position in basketball, gaining roles in the school play (never the lead), and of course the pursuit of becoming Instagram’s Next Top Curvy Thot.

Photo Credit: Thebodybrat.com

BUT I HATED…

how I measured up against boys when I was already a fully grown matured woman.

I had breasts by the time I was in the 2nd grade (yes, I know). While I think back and wonder why I didn’t have more of a stake in popularity with the boys being an early sprouter, I can’t understand why no one gave me the double take. Either I’m ignorant or I was too fat and busted-looking. Who knows?

Photo Credit: Thebodybrat.com

Either way, I hated always being a tall, thick bitch where I could eat scrawny boys I had crushes on for breakfast, lunch and dinner. The thought of knowing I was disproportionate to my first boyfriend who was 5’6, lanky  and with a thigh gap to my envy. Meanwhile, I was a thick-thighed Sasquatch at the height of 5’10 and…people took notice. Oh I forgot to mention, he was whiter than rice pudding

I REMEMBER WHEN…

I was walking through Herald Square with him and some older Black man approached us and said to him “you can’t handle all that”. Another time while walking through Time Square, some random dude tried to get at me, and I told him I was with my boyfriend, who stepped in and put his hand to the guy’s chest. Needless to say, he got cursed the fuck out. Luckily, he was engulfed by the crowd of tourists and he faded into the back.

Photo Credit: Thebodybrat.com

It made us both uncomfortable because it was confirmation that in the eyes of society, we didn’t look right together. Something was mismatched, and I felt the exact same way. Although I was tall, dark and beautiful, I still got a lot of backhanded compliments from his friends like “I don’t know how he got you” or “oh this is your girlfriend?” in that peaked interest tone of voice.

I’m not going to lie to you, though. I still have the ideal taller, butcher, manly man image taking over what I think my perfect match should look like. I’m not perfect and I’m not here even attempt to play it up like I am. I’m just a fat black bitch letting words roll off my tongue because I know I’m not alone in this sort of thinking.

Source: Thebodybrat

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